By Gary Konecky
In the United States, we have two forms of marriage.
The first is civil marriage. Civil marriage is a legal contract between the people getting married and it is governed by the laws of the various jurisdictions that make-up the United States. This is the reason that even if you are being married in a house of worship you must first get a marriage license. This is also the reason that in the unfortunate event of divorce (regardless of your religion) you must go to court to be issued a divorce decree.
The second is religious marriage, which is governed by the laws, rules, and traditions of the various faiths. As the Untied States has a separation of church and state, the government allows clergy of all faith traditions to marry people. When a member of the clergy performs a wedding, that couple is wedded in the religious sense and the legal sense.
If a couple decides they want to be civilly married legally only, they have the option of a marriage at city hall or before a justice of the peace. The beauty of this is that those who want a religious marriage can have what they want. Those who want a civil marriage can have what they want. Best of all, no one is forced to do anything that they do not want to do. If a Roman Catholic priest does not want to marry a gay male couple, there is no law that says he has to. If a Unitarian Church minister wants to marry a lesbian couple, she should be allowed to.
Some people have messed with this system. They have acted on their religious, moral, or political beliefs to seek to impose their point of view on all Americans. By doing this, they actively interfere with other people's ability to practice their faith. A similar issue had come up previously, when people of different races where not allowed to marry in certain jurisdictions. Ultimately, the US Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia (1967) ruled this was unconstitutional. Sadly, the issue of whom the government will allow to be married is back again. This time the issue is back in the debate, political campaigns, legislation, constitutional amendments and court battles over same sex marriages.
The argument made by religious people is it is against the bible or that marriage has always been this way. Such an argument is in error. One need only look at Abraham who had a concubine and a wife. In the case of Jacob, he had two wives and two concubines. In the case of Solomon, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines.
Then there are the compromises such as civil union and domestic partners. This brings us back to the segregation of the South, where colored people were treated as separate but equal. Separate but equal turned out to be anything but equal and it took a long, painful and sometimes bloody civil rights movement to fix that. Just as separate but equal did not work then, there is no reason to expect it to work now. Proof of this can be found in the state of New Jersey, which has civil unions. New Jersey had a state commission review the Legal, Medical, Economic and Social Consequences of New Jersey’s Civil Union Law. The commission’s report catalogs an impressive series of failures of the law to provide the equal benefits of marriage that legislators claimed the law would provide. New Hampshire, which had civil unions for approximately two years, has changed its civil union law into a same sex marriage law and will automatically convert all civil unions to marriages in 2011. Those who wish to convert their civil unions into marriages can do so now without waiting to 2011.
Every faith tradition should be allowed to marry or not marry any couple they choose. Every clergy person should have the right to marry or not marry any couple they choose. For politicians and religious leaders to impose their view and their faith tradition on those not of that belief or faith tradition is just plan un-American.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Brett Harris, Moses, Mickey Marcus, Rich Amato, and Countless Others
By Gary Konecky
On January 1, 2010, the ministers of Friends of B.R.Y.C.E lost a good and dear friend. Most importantly, the gay and lesbian community, especially its youths and young adults lost not only a dear friend, but also a visionary, Rev. Brett Harris.
Over the years, I have become aware of a recurring pattern that I find most disturbing. It seems that people work their entire lives either training for or working toward a specific goal, a goal that stands to help a great many people. Then just as they are about to realize that goal, they pass away. I do not pretend to know the ways of G-d and I do not understand why this is so.
When we read the bible, we learn that just as Moses was about to lead the Jewish people into the Holy Land, the culmination of a lifetime of training and work, he dies.
One of my childhood heroes was Col. David “Mickey” Marcus (US Army). Col. Marcus is the only solider buried at West Point who died fighting under a foreign flag. He was the first Israeli General in 2,000 years and he died at his post in the hills of Jerusalem during Israel’s War of Independence. He was shot mere hours before a truce was about to take effect. He was the last Israeli solider to fall before that truce. He was in those hills working to break the siege of Jerusalem and he died just as that siege was about to be broken. His tombstone reads “A Solider For All Humanity.”
I grew up on Long Island, NY. As I was coming to terms with my sexual orientation, Rich Amato was the gay civil rights movement on Long Island. When I met him (as I was maturing into a self-accepting, confident, adult gay man) Rich was already dying of AIDS. Just as the movement he labored to create was being born, he died. Sadly, tragically, he never got to see the first gay and lesbian rights march on Long Island.
Martin Luther King was killed as his dream was turning into reality. John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert were both men of vision and compassion. Just as they were moving toward making this a better country for all its citizens, they were struck down. Theses three men, men of greatness, men of vision, men who saw a way to make a better world for all people; these men were assassinated in their prime and they let behind a legacy of so many dreams unfilled, and a vision that in many ways has yet to be born.
And so I come to my good and dear friend, Rev. Brett Harris. Brett was a special man. Brett was one of the few truly great people I will have the privilege to know in my lifetime. Brett passed away, like the men I just mentioned, as a lifetime of work was about to turn into reality. Brett’s passion was opposing conversion or reparative therapy, the discredited and dangerous practice of trying to change someone’s sexual orientation. To that end, Brett had established Friends of B.R.Y.C.E., where I had the honor and privilege to assist him as the Minister of Scriptural Affairs. Brett’s concern and worry was always for others; for the poor child about to be shipped off to some religious run conversion therapy compound, to the gay person being harassed by his neighbors or by the local government. Brett had personally experienced harassment from those religious extremists who took issue with his opposition to conversion therapy. Having experienced that harassment, and knowing how these situations sometimes turn violent, Brett went out of his way to ensure that those who worked with him were kept safe.
Brett was that rare breed of individual who had vision, intelligence, compassion, and was above all a kind and generous soul who was here only to help and protect others. We are all diminished by his loss. We are all left to struggle in a cold, indifferent, and many times hostile world without our beloved champion to help us.
May G-d rest his soul and comfort his mourners. May G-d grant us the wisdom and the strength to fill this man’s shoes and to carry on his work. May we live to see his dream fulfilled. May we see a world where every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed child is safe from threats, from intimidation, and from violence. May we all learn to love and care for each other as Brett loved and cared for us.
On January 1, 2010, the ministers of Friends of B.R.Y.C.E lost a good and dear friend. Most importantly, the gay and lesbian community, especially its youths and young adults lost not only a dear friend, but also a visionary, Rev. Brett Harris.
Over the years, I have become aware of a recurring pattern that I find most disturbing. It seems that people work their entire lives either training for or working toward a specific goal, a goal that stands to help a great many people. Then just as they are about to realize that goal, they pass away. I do not pretend to know the ways of G-d and I do not understand why this is so.
When we read the bible, we learn that just as Moses was about to lead the Jewish people into the Holy Land, the culmination of a lifetime of training and work, he dies.
One of my childhood heroes was Col. David “Mickey” Marcus (US Army). Col. Marcus is the only solider buried at West Point who died fighting under a foreign flag. He was the first Israeli General in 2,000 years and he died at his post in the hills of Jerusalem during Israel’s War of Independence. He was shot mere hours before a truce was about to take effect. He was the last Israeli solider to fall before that truce. He was in those hills working to break the siege of Jerusalem and he died just as that siege was about to be broken. His tombstone reads “A Solider For All Humanity.”
I grew up on Long Island, NY. As I was coming to terms with my sexual orientation, Rich Amato was the gay civil rights movement on Long Island. When I met him (as I was maturing into a self-accepting, confident, adult gay man) Rich was already dying of AIDS. Just as the movement he labored to create was being born, he died. Sadly, tragically, he never got to see the first gay and lesbian rights march on Long Island.
Martin Luther King was killed as his dream was turning into reality. John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert were both men of vision and compassion. Just as they were moving toward making this a better country for all its citizens, they were struck down. Theses three men, men of greatness, men of vision, men who saw a way to make a better world for all people; these men were assassinated in their prime and they let behind a legacy of so many dreams unfilled, and a vision that in many ways has yet to be born.
And so I come to my good and dear friend, Rev. Brett Harris. Brett was a special man. Brett was one of the few truly great people I will have the privilege to know in my lifetime. Brett passed away, like the men I just mentioned, as a lifetime of work was about to turn into reality. Brett’s passion was opposing conversion or reparative therapy, the discredited and dangerous practice of trying to change someone’s sexual orientation. To that end, Brett had established Friends of B.R.Y.C.E., where I had the honor and privilege to assist him as the Minister of Scriptural Affairs. Brett’s concern and worry was always for others; for the poor child about to be shipped off to some religious run conversion therapy compound, to the gay person being harassed by his neighbors or by the local government. Brett had personally experienced harassment from those religious extremists who took issue with his opposition to conversion therapy. Having experienced that harassment, and knowing how these situations sometimes turn violent, Brett went out of his way to ensure that those who worked with him were kept safe.
Brett was that rare breed of individual who had vision, intelligence, compassion, and was above all a kind and generous soul who was here only to help and protect others. We are all diminished by his loss. We are all left to struggle in a cold, indifferent, and many times hostile world without our beloved champion to help us.
May G-d rest his soul and comfort his mourners. May G-d grant us the wisdom and the strength to fill this man’s shoes and to carry on his work. May we live to see his dream fulfilled. May we see a world where every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed child is safe from threats, from intimidation, and from violence. May we all learn to love and care for each other as Brett loved and cared for us.
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