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Since I started this blog a lot has happened. I built my own website and I became a columnist at examiner.com

The result is that I cannot maintain this blog, write five columns a week and maintain a website. Therefore, I ask you to please visit my website and please check out my column.

Thank you so much for honoring me by reading my blog.

The Health Care Reform Debate

The debate over health care reform is drawing to a close. Therefore, now seems a good time to review the debate and to ask the questions that were overlooked while the debate was happening.

Charity: The importance of a penny

By Gary Konecky

“R. Phinehas in the name of R. Reuben said: ‘If a man gives a perutah (a penny) to a poor man, will G-d repay him in perutahs?’ ‘Nay, he gave not a perutah to a destitute man, but he verily gave him life. Suppose a loaf of bread sells for ten perutahs, and the poor man has only nine, does not this enable him to buy life-preserving food by his gift of a perutah? G-d saith to the giver: ‘Thou hast saved the life of the poor man; when the time comes for you life to end, I will give it back to you.’’” – Wayyikra Rabbah, 34 as quoted in The Talmudic Anthology, Tales & Teaching of the Rabbis, edited by Louis I. Newman in collaboration with Samuel Spitz, copyright 1945, published by Behrman House, Inc.

Even in the best economy, there are always those who are poor, as divorce, illness and bad luck work against the best of us. When the economy gets bad, even more people fall into terrible difficulties.

In this region, we have food banks that are in desperate need not only of food donations but also cash. Many of these food banks can purchase food cheaper than you can, so if you spend a dollar on a can of soup for them, they get a can of soup, whereas if you give them that dollar they can get more than a can of soup.

In this region, we have soup kitchens and homeless shelters. Many of them need donations and volunteers.

Even with what we do have, we do not have enough food in our food banks, we do not have enough soup kitchens, and we do not have enough homeless shelters.

Maybe your house of worship can help one day a week or one day a month. Maybe, there is a place you can donate bus fare to so that someone so can get to a job interview. Maybe the local service club (Rotary, Kiwanis, Lions) can host a benefit for the local homeless shelter.

Maybe there are some used clothes in your closet that can be donated to a homeless shelter or social service agency. Think how valuable those clothes can be if by donating them, someone less fortunate will have suitable clothes to wear to a job interview.

Maybe your company can start a program for hiring the homeless, or the long-term unemployed. If I remember correctly, Bergen Community College hires people with developmental issues to work in their mailroom.

It does not matter what you do, just do something, for we are taught that even a single penny can save someone’s life. Just imagine what can be accomplished with more then a penny, or with a good idea, or by teaming up with others. The task is great and none of us are exempt from helping.

A Family Crisis: Is Everyone Doing Their Best Or Their Worst?

By Gary Konecky

“Honor your father and your mother…” – Exodus 20:12
“Every man shall fear his mother and his father…” – Leviticus 19:3

Imagine the scene: A hospital in Florida. The family’s mother is dying. The family’s father passed away years ago. The daughter lives in Florida. The mother lives in New York and was visiting when tragedy struck. The son who lives in New York flies down to Florida.

Money is tight. The son lost his job sometime ago. He has no place to stay because the area hotels are very expensive as this is peak vacation time in that part of Florida.

The son and daughter do not get along because the son is gay and the daughter feels that her children will catch being gay from him, besides she believes that all gay men are AIDS carriers and you could also catch that from them. She has therefore prevented him from having any contact with his nieces and nephews for years. She has also made it a point to be hostile to him at every opportunity. She has also taught that hostility to her now grown children.

Now the mother is dying. The mother’s health care proxy and living will are in New York. The entire family is in Florida.

The family springs into action. The son and daughter fight. The nieces and nephews take sides and actively participate in the family feud. The daughter makes groundless accusations to hospital staff that the son is trying to kill his mother. The hospital then restricts the son’s visitation privileges. The son and daughter agree on only one thing, not to tell the hospital staff that the mother expressed her wish not to be resuscitated, thereby violating their mother’s wishes.

Is the above scenario honoring the dying mother?

What would happen if this were the case? The son flies down to Florida. As a great crisis has fallen upon the entire family, they set aside their differences. The daughter opens her home so that he has a place to stay. They meet with the hospital staff and tell the staff of their mother’s wish not to be resuscitated. Instead of fighting, they pull together and honor their mother, the woman who gave birth to both of them.

G-d is not a wishing well. G-d listens to our prayers because He wants to. G-d grants our requests because He wants to. Is it possible that because of their respect for their mother, as shown in the second scenario, G-d will be more likely to show mercy on their mother and grant their prayerful requests for their mother’s recovery? Could them showing G-d how much they want to honor their mother make a difference in G-d’s evaluation of their situation? I am not a prophet and I do not claim to know the answers to these questions. Yet it seems possible that the better we behave, the more G-d might be inclined to listen to us.

Why is it that when a crisis comes upon a family, all too often, instead of pulling together, it becomes another opportunity to behave badly, not merely badly, but worse then usual? Much as we like to think the world revolves around us, it does not. It is not about us. It is not about who said or did what to whom. It is not about old grievances (real or imagined). It is about what we are told G-d wants from us: “…what the L-rd demands of you; but to do justice, to love loving-kindness, and to walk discreetly with your G-d.” – Micah 6:8

May G-d grant us the strength, the wisdom, and the insight to behave kindly toward each other, especially when it matters most.


My thanks to Rabbi Joseph Telushkin for his insights into what it means to honor your father and mother.

A Fascinating Contrast

By Gary Konecky

One of the things that fascinate me is the very different approaches people take to the Bible.

For bible literalists and Christian fundamentalists, the plain text is all that there is. There is no need to think, to research, or to ponder. It says what it says. If you point out errors in the translation, if you point out apparent contradictions in the text, it does not matter. Their attitude is unshaken. It says what it says and that is all I need to know. If you point out that the Hebrew Bible is different than the “Old Testament,” they deny this either with selective quotes pulled out of context or in some cases they deny it without having ever picked up a Hebrew bible.

The other thing that fascinates me about bible literalists and fundamentalist Christians is that they typically use an English translation of the Bible. Every Rabbi I know can read and fluently translate the original Hebrew, as well as Aramaic. The thought of reading or using an English translation would never occur to these Rabbis. There is good reason for this. Hebrew is the original language of all or half of the bible, depending on your religion or faith tradition. Hebrew is a very nuanced language when it comes to matters of scripture, while English is not. Therefore, meanings are lost in a translation. Critical Hebrew words do not have English equivalents. Shades of meaning, sometimes entire concepts hinge on a single Hebrew word that does not have anything resembling it in English.

In addition to this, the total approach taken by Christians to scripture is radically different from the Jewish tradition. The Jewish tradition holds that G-d gave the Jewish nation the Oral Torah and the Written Torah at Mount Sinai. For many Christians, they look to the bible as their only source of guidance. For Jews, even though the Written Torah is the word of G-d, they look to other sources for to know and understand the word of G-d one must turn to the Oral Torah or oral tradition. The written word is only a starting point.

For example, there is the law requiring “Whenever a census of the warriors was taken, every adult Israelite was to pay a Half-Shekel.” - http://www.begedivri.com/shekel/teachings/Hertz.htm This seems a simple declarative statement, yet there is an entire volume of Talmud that discusses this. If the text were to be taken literally, if the text were to not have deeper implications, then there would be no need for a volume of Talmud on the subject.

The Jews have wonderful bible stories. There is the terrific story taught in Hebrew school about what Abraham’s father did for a living. Read the Hebrew Bible, search for it, read the “Old Testament”. Do you see any mention of what Abraham’s father did for a living? If you cannot find it, don’t worry, as it is not there. It is part of the oral tradition.

Then there is the fantastic story about the sex organs of the original Adam. Is there any mention of this in the Hebrew Bible or “Old Testament?” No, it is not there, it is part of the oral tradition.

One of the most quoted passages from the Hebrew Bible “is an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” (Exodus chapter 21, Leviticus chapter 24 and Deuteronomy chapter 19). It is also one of the most misunderstood. To know its meaning, one must again look toward the Oral Torah.

Are the 10 commandments are the same for everyone? No! There is the Jewish version, the Catholic version, and the Protestant version. In fact, there are differences in things as simple and straightforward as the mere numbers assigned to the commandments.

Then there is the difference in translation involving the commandment: “Thou shall not murder” that is often mistranslated as “Thou shall not kill.” In fact, the Torah lays down very specific laws for when it is appropriate to kill.

I have a book that is over 500 pages long and that only covers the weekly Torah portion involving the 10 commandments. This book devotes hundreds of pages to discussing and explaining the 10 commandments. If the meaning was self-evident and that was all there is to know, then why was a 500 page plus book written?

The bible literalists claim that the bible flat out bans homosexuality, yet nowhere in the bible does it say: “Thou shall not be a homosexual.”

The other funny thing is that many of those who claim the bible condemns homosexuality think nothing of going out for a family dinner at Red Lobster, even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus chapter 11).

Leviticus 19:19 says: “You shall observe My statutes: You shall not crossbreed your livestock with different species. You shall not sow your field with a mixture of seeds, and a garment which has a mixture of shaatnez shall not come upon you." - http://www.chabad.org/library/bible_cdo/aid/9920
Do you know from reading this verse what shaatnez is?

Why is it that I do not see the Roman Catholics, the Christian fundamentalists, the Mormons, the Orthodox Jews and the bible literalists marching on Congress demanding an end to shaatnez? Why is there no outcry from these people demanding that the US Department of Agriculture regulate the mixing of seeds in a field? Why is no one lobbying Congress to close down Red Lobster? Why is no one is demanding the shutting down of the lobster industry in Maine? Why did the Roman Catholic Church spend $550,000 to repeal same sex marriage in Maine, yet never say a word about shellfish?

As Rev. Mel White has pointed out:
"Over the centuries people who misunderstood or misinterpreted the Bible have done terrible things. The Bible has been misused to defend bloody crusades and tragic inquisitions; to support slavery, apartheid, and segregation; to persecute Jews and other non-Christian people of faith; to support Hitler's Third Reich and the Holocaust; to oppose medical science; to condemn interracial marriage; to execute women as witches; and to support the Ku Klux Klan. Shakespeare said it this way: 'Even the devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.'

Even when we believe the Scriptures are 'infallible' or 'without error,' it's terribly dangerous to think that our understanding of every biblical text is also without error. We are human. We are fallible. And we can misunderstand and misinterpret these ancient words -- with tragic results." - http://www.soulforce.org/article/homosexuality-bible-gay-christian

Marriage: Civil vs. Religious

By Gary Konecky

In the United States, we have two forms of marriage.

The first is civil marriage. Civil marriage is a legal contract between the people getting married and it is governed by the laws of the various jurisdictions that make-up the United States. This is the reason that even if you are being married in a house of worship you must first get a marriage license. This is also the reason that in the unfortunate event of divorce (regardless of your religion) you must go to court to be issued a divorce decree.

The second is religious marriage, which is governed by the laws, rules, and traditions of the various faiths. As the Untied States has a separation of church and state, the government allows clergy of all faith traditions to marry people. When a member of the clergy performs a wedding, that couple is wedded in the religious sense and the legal sense.

If a couple decides they want to be civilly married legally only, they have the option of a marriage at city hall or before a justice of the peace. The beauty of this is that those who want a religious marriage can have what they want. Those who want a civil marriage can have what they want. Best of all, no one is forced to do anything that they do not want to do. If a Roman Catholic priest does not want to marry a gay male couple, there is no law that says he has to. If a Unitarian Church minister wants to marry a lesbian couple, she should be allowed to.

Some people have messed with this system. They have acted on their religious, moral, or political beliefs to seek to impose their point of view on all Americans. By doing this, they actively interfere with other people's ability to practice their faith. A similar issue had come up previously, when people of different races where not allowed to marry in certain jurisdictions. Ultimately, the US Supreme Court in Loving v. Virginia (1967) ruled this was unconstitutional. Sadly, the issue of whom the government will allow to be married is back again. This time the issue is back in the debate, political campaigns, legislation, constitutional amendments and court battles over same sex marriages.

The argument made by religious people is it is against the bible or that marriage has always been this way. Such an argument is in error. One need only look at Abraham who had a concubine and a wife. In the case of Jacob, he had two wives and two concubines. In the case of Solomon, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

Then there are the compromises such as civil union and domestic partners. This brings us back to the segregation of the South, where colored people were treated as separate but equal. Separate but equal turned out to be anything but equal and it took a long, painful and sometimes bloody civil rights movement to fix that. Just as separate but equal did not work then, there is no reason to expect it to work now. Proof of this can be found in the state of New Jersey, which has civil unions. New Jersey had a state commission review the Legal, Medical, Economic and Social Consequences of New Jersey’s Civil Union Law. The commission’s report catalogs an impressive series of failures of the law to provide the equal benefits of marriage that legislators claimed the law would provide. New Hampshire, which had civil unions for approximately two years, has changed its civil union law into a same sex marriage law and will automatically convert all civil unions to marriages in 2011. Those who wish to convert their civil unions into marriages can do so now without waiting to 2011.

Every faith tradition should be allowed to marry or not marry any couple they choose. Every clergy person should have the right to marry or not marry any couple they choose. For politicians and religious leaders to impose their view and their faith tradition on those not of that belief or faith tradition is just plan un-American.

Brett Harris, Moses, Mickey Marcus, Rich Amato, and Countless Others

By Gary Konecky

On January 1, 2010, the ministers of Friends of B.R.Y.C.E lost a good and dear friend. Most importantly, the gay and lesbian community, especially its youths and young adults lost not only a dear friend, but also a visionary, Rev. Brett Harris.

Over the years, I have become aware of a recurring pattern that I find most disturbing. It seems that people work their entire lives either training for or working toward a specific goal, a goal that stands to help a great many people. Then just as they are about to realize that goal, they pass away. I do not pretend to know the ways of G-d and I do not understand why this is so.

When we read the bible, we learn that just as Moses was about to lead the Jewish people into the Holy Land, the culmination of a lifetime of training and work, he dies.

One of my childhood heroes was Col. David “Mickey” Marcus (US Army). Col. Marcus is the only solider buried at West Point who died fighting under a foreign flag. He was the first Israeli General in 2,000 years and he died at his post in the hills of Jerusalem during Israel’s War of Independence. He was shot mere hours before a truce was about to take effect. He was the last Israeli solider to fall before that truce. He was in those hills working to break the siege of Jerusalem and he died just as that siege was about to be broken. His tombstone reads “A Solider For All Humanity.”

I grew up on Long Island, NY. As I was coming to terms with my sexual orientation, Rich Amato was the gay civil rights movement on Long Island. When I met him (as I was maturing into a self-accepting, confident, adult gay man) Rich was already dying of AIDS. Just as the movement he labored to create was being born, he died. Sadly, tragically, he never got to see the first gay and lesbian rights march on Long Island.

Martin Luther King was killed as his dream was turning into reality. John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert were both men of vision and compassion. Just as they were moving toward making this a better country for all its citizens, they were struck down. Theses three men, men of greatness, men of vision, men who saw a way to make a better world for all people; these men were assassinated in their prime and they let behind a legacy of so many dreams unfilled, and a vision that in many ways has yet to be born.

And so I come to my good and dear friend, Rev. Brett Harris. Brett was a special man. Brett was one of the few truly great people I will have the privilege to know in my lifetime. Brett passed away, like the men I just mentioned, as a lifetime of work was about to turn into reality. Brett’s passion was opposing conversion or reparative therapy, the discredited and dangerous practice of trying to change someone’s sexual orientation. To that end, Brett had established Friends of B.R.Y.C.E., where I had the honor and privilege to assist him as the Minister of Scriptural Affairs. Brett’s concern and worry was always for others; for the poor child about to be shipped off to some religious run conversion therapy compound, to the gay person being harassed by his neighbors or by the local government. Brett had personally experienced harassment from those religious extremists who took issue with his opposition to conversion therapy. Having experienced that harassment, and knowing how these situations sometimes turn violent, Brett went out of his way to ensure that those who worked with him were kept safe.

Brett was that rare breed of individual who had vision, intelligence, compassion, and was above all a kind and generous soul who was here only to help and protect others. We are all diminished by his loss. We are all left to struggle in a cold, indifferent, and many times hostile world without our beloved champion to help us.

May G-d rest his soul and comfort his mourners. May G-d grant us the wisdom and the strength to fill this man’s shoes and to carry on his work. May we live to see his dream fulfilled. May we see a world where every gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and intersexed child is safe from threats, from intimidation, and from violence. May we all learn to love and care for each other as Brett loved and cared for us.